Tag: writer

Posted on

January 18, 2024

What ever happened to “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.

To this day I honor this wisdom. Yes it’s okay to vent but overall social media is a prime example of the dangers of gossip and comparison. I’m reprogramming myself to not have so many opinions. I don’t need to judge everything, especially things that have nothing to do with me; which while living a more simple life I realized not much has to do with me and I’m quite irrelevant to the next passerby. Idk I’m really dedicated to not exerting my energy when I don’t need to which I’m finding out is more often than not. Weening myself off of the “tea time” dramas I’m currently attached to, I must admit Im not perfect and like a little drama here and there. But I’ll just keep it to myself.

Why are we attracted to drama? What is so appealing about it?

Posted on

September 21, 2020

So I’ve exploded, perhaps on something light as a feather. All the weight came down. X doesn’t think of the small things. He wants to be what I need but he just isn’t. He has alot to learn, or maybe he’s just used to treating me this way. Used to me allowing it. I know he has work to do because at one point he said he didn’t even know if we were together still. I wanna ask him why or how could he live and sleep not knowing if we were together. He says I’m intimidating. I don’t understand him, he doesn’t understand me. We both know our darkest parts though, so we think we know…

I was waiting for you and you just…

There’s alot of questionable things about him and only he can tap into his subconscious and sort it all out. And I don’t…. I do love him, we both deserve better though.

Posted on

June 24, 2018

I miss being comfortable in my body. Every mourning I wake to discomfort and nausea that can last hours.

I miss wine. I miss being able to eat and not eat whenever as I pleased. This baby is taking away my freedom. I am a slave to my baby.

By choice with trust of course though.

Posted on

One day

One day see the fruits of my labor
Miracle after miracle
How lightly I’ll float by
I’m sure I wouldn’t even recognize
How slow my mind processes
I’ve been keeping my eyes to myself
Can’t see me
Refuse to see
One day I’ll be a shooting star and won’t be able to help but notice.
I won’t even be able to stop; catch a glance or nothing
The collisions will simply be an after thought as I’m smoking a winter spliff

Posted on

June 20th, 2021

Summer solstice

Depressive episode to balance the happy. Wishing to crawl back under my polished rock; or to be less dramatic, meet new people. People who look like me. Compliment me… Observe then indulge. Today I feel hopeless with human connection. Even X & X are not on the flow I can truly connect to. I just desire to be around people that are into authenticity, growth, and building, creating and making the world a better place. Trailblazers. Shadow workers who aim their arrow at the target. Same old complaint…

…My dreams have been violent. I’ve been mauled, attacked, chased. I’ve had to kill and watch love ones suffer. And my mood… Familiar faces all over this dream realm. Be conscious, keep caution. Pause. Observe. Trust my intuition…

…But I want to honor my feelings, put integration first. Suppression is a heavy betrayal. I called X to ask for advice. I received comfort in honoring myself. So I’m going to not betray myself while navigating my relationships with the ghosts of my past. I am a shadow worker, not moving out of pain but instead integrity, awareness and self respect.

Posted on

September 7, 2016

The first time I fell in love with another it was during a low time in both of our lives. It was long distance for most of the time. He would call me everyday even though I was sleeping, even though we didn’t have a thing to say. And I would write and send him intimate poetry every week. He didn’t understand it, but he understood me. As usual; after some time, we stopped seeing each other. And well, the phone calls slowly stopped coming as frequent, and my hands were too tire to write or feel. Our lives intensified. Soon silence.

Posted on

August 21, 2017

On the bright side I spent the afternoon with X; which was a savory escape into honest comfort , lifted my spirits and made me orgasm to the rattlings of freight trains rollin by, simply by …. It was wonderful, I felt it in my entire being, every blood cell, every inch of flesh and bone electrocuted and I felt it. It was blissful hanging in my van, caressing ,cuddling, and fondling. Great escape, the synchronicity is unreal.