Gratitude is a silver lining. Gratitude is a light smile. Gratitude is embracing ones journey. There is always something to be grateful for in each moment. Gratitude tells me, this too shall pass. Gratitude will take one where one wants to go. Simple as that.
Kali Yuga
This long walk up
I inhale and exhale like the goddess I am
I am connected like the earth I am made of
And my skin vibrates as the sun
This long walk up
I stand
Baby
I am being
Tired of fleeing
Seeing the colors of the sky, but not living
And no one can give it to me
And no one would put it in my hands
Yet I stand
January 2, 2020
I prayed hard on my way to work.
Feeling at home while talking to source.
Connecting to source.
One day at a time?
One choice.
One decision.
Today at work I will eat my food and drink my tea.
I’m going to dance and write.
Open me up. Recreate. Revamp.
I have some thinking to do with the woman I want to be. I am holding space for all I am in every moment. Maybe this year I’ll find my niche.
I don’t want to get sexually and romantically distracted. At the same time I don’t want to shame myself for wanting to be intimate…I want to break free from the belief that I am only desired physically. I want to also hold that men are attracted to the physical first. It’s survival. I’m mad sexually appealing, healthy, and warm to look at and so it makes sense if that’s what pulls one in. I have programming that has made me unsafe with the idea of men being attracted to my physical and being lusted after. Which is honestly unfair, unreasonable, and ridiculous. I can sense lust and genuine interest in a second.
Sacrifices
June 27, 2021
I placed a glass of water on my alter and prayed. This weekend without a phone. Silence. Mindfulness. Sadness. I finished the book X borrowed me “Celestine Prophecy”. It left me open and searching.
Right now I am numb, asexual, emotionally unavailable, confident, sure of myself and my experience. Validating this period. I feel as long as I can see my growth no matter how seemingly inconsequential. I have to temporarily cut off X and X for my sanity. It honestly just hurts to be disrespected from them both to the degree that they do. In retrospect life is great.
A wanderers song
If you want me to be happy
Leave me alone to make my peace
Give me a little of that sweet juice
Some distance to walk at my pace
Some greenery a soft mellow breeze
Time permits us to freeze
Get lost in those tall wooden things
Just let me be
Make my piece peace
January 15, 2023
I love deep feelings. Feelings that stops you in your tracks. Experiencing feelings with self awareness is even more enticing. I can do this dance and really put my foot in it. Really break a sweat. With the wisdoms of the future as a tether. Although the idea of becoming the crazy lady who wears mumus, cheetah print thongs, reads tea and palms and can tell when you’re lying but makes a game of playing along, is mad enticing.
So soft
Freegrandmaa 