The warmth oozing from his brown eyes
I had to look
We locked in
I wanted him to see all of me
I wanted to be looked at by him forever
One hundred Lonely Years

One hundred lo lee years
is a trusted risk
diminished too quick
teasing taste of bliss
September 21, 2020
So I’ve exploded, perhaps on something light as a feather. All the weight came down. X doesn’t think of the small things. He wants to be what I need but he just isn’t. He has alot to learn, or maybe he’s just used to treating me this way. Used to me allowing it. I know he has work to do because at one point he said he didn’t even know if we were together still. I wanna ask him why or how could he live and sleep not knowing if we were together. He says I’m intimidating. I don’t understand him, he doesn’t understand me. We both know our darkest parts though, so we think we know…
I was waiting for you and you just…
There’s alot of questionable things about him and only he can tap into his subconscious and sort it all out. And I don’t…. I do love him, we both deserve better though.
Preference

October 11, 2020
I played hand and hand with death
Just for fun
Because I loved it
Milkyways and eggshells shadows glinted
I gravitated
I’ve been disassociating more this past week. Zoning out, going to different realities and freezing. Yesterday while driving I forgot where I was, where I was going, and what I was doing for like 10 seconds before I remembered. I was looking around frantically trying to grab hold of something I could remember. And while in the car with X he was handing me money and talking something I could care less about and I was elsewhere and I heard him but was unable to understand him. I’m neutral about it. Just observing. Curious to see what’s the root to my aloofness…
Today was a weird day and when I got X… and looked him in the eye. I felt grounded with his being, his golden beam. I locked eyes for as long as I could. And I felt home.
Love language

November 7, 2020
I rose. I watched him sleep
He rose. I sang grand risings.
He went to the bathroom. I sang so proud. He danced so proudly and stomped
I cleaned. He made a mess
We brushed our teeth
He drank water. I toke a shower. He came along to keep me company. We talked
I reminded myself that I didn’t own him and he remembered that he owned me…
We talked the whole time
Fate

