I Try To Unwrite It

Sometimes I reread the poems I wrote for past lovers and feel like… this was too good for them. I try to take it back

Too tender. Too raw. Too sacred.

Bitterness shows up first.

Memory comes next. 

With it the soft ache of truth.

I remember why I wrote it, the little universe we lived in for a while. 

And I remember.

I remember it was theirs. Because a version of me meant it.

Even if they didn’t deserve the whole poem forever.

Some things are real just because they happened.

And some people get lucky enough to be written about.

The love was real, so was the poem.

So I give it back.

Ripe and Mean

When we went without
I forgot my name
Things were not good
We’d be ripe and mean
We’d beg and fight
Skin splitting
Play tug of war with our faces
Growl through negative space
I am awake
I am awake
I am awake
I plead
insanity
I give
him control
Still
painting him in contrast

Collapsed

When I experience grief
I open and everything enters.
There is no space.
I’m suffocated by spirits.
I’m blotchy, dry, aching.

— from Repetitions of Ruin 
(incantations from the same wound)

Nest of Sorrow

I just sit in my nest.
And wail and cry and sob.
I’m fragile and I delight in explosion.
At the edge of grief
I’m swallowed by it whole.

— from Repetitions of Ruin  
(incantations from the same wound)

I Wore You

we had the same conversations like it was yesterday
i wore blue for days and days straight
i wore all my fibers as you
i knew you were blue too
i fasted
i was corrupt
you wouldn’t let my burn touch a thing
you laughed in the face of it

Saltblood Psalms

My deep breaths fuel my heart
Just one more night
After another
What a chore

A force of nature
To be here
To stay
To feel everything

A life of suffering—
I thrive off that shit
Like a brutal winter
My heart is raw and unfiltered

I dove deep to see her
The sacred red
Of the swallowed sea
She’ll find me
Begging
On plastered knees

She just wants to be safe
Satiated
Saved

Someone

Rooted into my soul,

he was vital, he oppressed

Potent love,

a bold kind.

Violent

His tongue barbaric

Puissant hand in hand

But he needed me.

I needed him—

I was afraid to say.

He held me.

He told me,

he’d keep me safe.

Shielding my power with his power

He was my someone

He was someone

Intention

She and I marry as she loosened her hair

I was warm between her legs

She was home

Welcoming

I loved to please her

I willingly submitted

She knew she was my baby

I knew how to make her come back

She was my intuition

Our whispering heads

Dancing heart

She played tug of war

Passioned

Me

I made love

She is my intention