The fool
March 12, 2017
Remembering
Sometimes I catch a scent; smell something, and I remember having roommates for the first time. My own room. I used to paint my naked vessel and rejoice in what I thought was adulthood. Silly naive me.
Sometimes I hear a song. It takes me back. I feel my belly drop to my toes as my tear ducts instinctively fills up, releasing the sight of my being… In the psychiatric unit having a time. I’ve never felt so safe, so understood. I will never forget my time in X.
All the beautiful lost souls I met and loved. I pray they too found themselves again. My baby, I was so young. I used to feel so sad. I am free from all of that. Hurt, pain. I am sending love to my inner child always.
Woman with the heart shaped birthmarks🖤
I don’t know where I’m from,but I’m dancin atop the lakes of MN. If my maternal cracks.
God bless us all.
Holder of safe spaces. I will not buy into the illusion. I’m not in love; I’m disgusted.
Woman from Venus. My North Star. She’s too sensitive for y’all mothfuckers.
Intermediate
Offers ballads every hour.
Rid of it all
Hitchhiking springs guided through the exhale of stalling hurricanes
Inhaling life, exhaling blight and begs it awakens thee
Are we parasite or harmony
One day
One day see the fruits of my labor
Miracle after miracle
How lightly I’ll float by
I’m sure I wouldn’t even recognize
How slow my mind processes
I’ve been keeping my eyes to myself
Can’t see me
Refuse to see
One day I’ll be a shooting star and won’t be able to help but notice.
I won’t even be able to stop; catch a glance or nothing
The collisions will simply be an after thought as I’m smoking a winter spliff
In me
There’s a peasant in me
More tame
Domesticated
A puppeteer, my sweet labrinyth
From her I get my strength
Hard steps
Most prized possessions
My sorry little secrets
Nerve
Game of life
Life’s bargain
July 5, 2017
Yesterday I realized that hanging out with X’s family may not be the best idea. I’m numb around them often finding myself hurt I don’t have what X has. His daughter is what gets me. It reminds me of what I used to have with my father. Heart wrenching. How lucky is he to have all that. My father, I’ve been thinking about him non-stop since New York and watching X with his daughter brings up so much as watching any daughter being loved on by her father. I want a child. To feel important, relevant. To fix this. Typical right. I find myself unable to enjoy the presence of others. Wanting to spend all my days in my van like I used to.
X brings everything to surface. He can’t be pushed or deterred. He’s given me a love I’ve never experienced. I don’t think anyone understands what Im saying and how I think like he does. He can be very detrimental to my well being. He can bring me to the highest of highs, but also if I let him in and it doesn’t work out, he could be the death of me. A painfully beautiful death probably. I never would imagine. Love is hard to trust. I pray he’s not another….
I pray I get out beforehand if he does. I pray for strength an open heart. I pray for healing.
Freegrandmaa 