Tag: family

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June 24, 2018

I miss being comfortable in my body. Every mourning I wake to discomfort and nausea that can last hours.

I miss wine. I miss being able to eat and not eat whenever as I pleased. This baby is taking away my freedom. I am a slave to my baby.

By choice with trust of course though.

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November 7, 2020

I rose. I watched him sleep

He rose. I sang grand risings.

He went to the bathroom. I sang so proud. He danced so proudly and stomped

I cleaned. He made a mess

We brushed our teeth

He drank water. I toke a shower. He came along to keep me company. We talked

I reminded myself that I didn’t own him and he remembered that he owned me…

We talked the whole time

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June 20th, 2021

Summer solstice

Depressive episode to balance the happy. Wishing to crawl back under my polished rock; or to be less dramatic, meet new people. People who look like me. Compliment me… Observe then indulge. Today I feel hopeless with human connection. Even X & X are not on the flow I can truly connect to. I just desire to be around people that are into authenticity, growth, and building, creating and making the world a better place. Trailblazers. Shadow workers who aim their arrow at the target. Same old complaint…

…My dreams have been violent. I’ve been mauled, attacked, chased. I’ve had to kill and watch love ones suffer. And my mood… Familiar faces all over this dream realm. Be conscious, keep caution. Pause. Observe. Trust my intuition…

…But I want to honor my feelings, put integration first. Suppression is a heavy betrayal. I called X to ask for advice. I received comfort in honoring myself. So I’m going to not betray myself while navigating my relationships with the ghosts of my past. I am a shadow worker, not moving out of pain but instead integrity, awareness and self respect.

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Fields

Fragile Fields
speck of dust
seven dead stars
bright on earth
tough enough
dangerous
native fields
of rainbows
of blue lotus

sirens of the womb
being of severed sea
shifting soon as wonders of the world
as little sweet girls
forming fields and seven hills
fragile Fields
a fearful yield

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I don’t like to yell

I don’t like to yell

But I love to break the silence

To penetrate

It’s the first breath

The tip of birth

And you can’t find that kind of moment in movement and stimulation

Go silent for a moment

Svāhā!

Climax

Hands full of prana

Roar through your pores in the safest place

Feel the goodness and the horror

Accept it and become more than vessel

I don’t need to yell through pressure when I’m molded because of it

I like to whisper and pray in my head by my lonesome next to a river under a bridge or something

I don’t want anyone to hear me either, not now it’s too late now

And jokester is my middle name

I got it from my father and they got yelling from our mother

But I

I don’t like to yell