Tag: Babylon

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January 18, 2024

What ever happened to “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.

To this day I honor this wisdom. Yes it’s okay to vent but overall social media is a prime example of the dangers of gossip and comparison. I’m reprogramming myself to not have so many opinions. I don’t need to judge everything, especially things that have nothing to do with me; which while living a more simple life I realized not much has to do with me and I’m quite irrelevant to the next passerby. Idk I’m really dedicated to not exerting my energy when I don’t need to which I’m finding out is more often than not. Weening myself off of the “tea time” dramas I’m currently attached to, I must admit Im not perfect and like a little drama here and there. But I’ll just keep it to myself.

Why are we attracted to drama? What is so appealing about it?

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January 21, 2024

I’m learning so much about my family since opening my home to my little sisters. It’s been hard but also a big opportunity to grow. Ive decided to recreate my role in my family. Moving away from being just the relatable safe big sister to accepting my role as the matriarch. I’m seeing first hand how these kids are being neglected by parents as well as the education system.

The kids are not the problem. Society is failing these kids.

Growing to be the bigger person to take on the role to guide instead of getting stuck in triggers and ego and allowing us all the remain stagnant. I’m realizing my siblings have no real home training and lack basic respect. I work hard to not blame them for what they haven’t been taught. I find joy at the same time in providing a safe space for them. Goodness though it’s hard being to others what you’ve never received but alas, the fate of the healer I suppose.

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Warzones

When you spend enough time alone you realize

Your fight

The fights you fight; every fight in the world

Starts within

(Home)

Is within

(Heart)

Personal sin

(Hands)

Where to begin

(Head)

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Nervous system

your mind is your weapon
do you have it
know how to use it
gather like minds
heal together
talk it through
cry
hold
find yourself
each other
commit and rebuild
brothers and sisters
descendants of the greatest warriors

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October 4, 2023

I feel a void here now more than ever.

Even though I’m a bit behind, Im quite rich. Going to plan to get back into donating. Hopefully I can find one closer to me.

I’ve surrendered though. Is ‘giving up’ synonymous? What if it’s my son and I forever. Honestly I think I’d be alright. What if I’m alone up here. My days have been good actually. Tomorrow he has a hearing appointment and we’ve been going to the library, he likes that.

I feel like the more I spend time with myself the further I float. Downloaded Instagram but only for about 15mins. I couldn’t stand it and despised the thoughts I was having. I quickly grew annoyed with the app and then annoyed with myself. The idea of social media is immature and consumerist based and it brings that out in me. I’ve been off all summer.

I’m just detached from summers heat and flings. Am I going somewhere. Do I even have a destination. I feel like my destination may simply be a feeling. Like once I feel safe I’d know I have made it. My body anyways. I wonder how long it takes for your nervous system to regulate. I feel most safe when I’m not partaking in the worldly world. I want to feel safe in the worldly world. I want to feel safe with someone.