Lullaby Baby
Heavy
I want to be seen through and through
I want to have enough, never stop
There’s pauses in my membrane
I don’t recall the order of fate
How I wish it’d play out
How I pray to erase
Escaping is the back door
Unspoken
I beg my soul to be revoked and
The soul never wanted to carry me anyways
It names me a burden
Dead weight
Hips in heaps of heavy and a bit unsteady
Out
Spread out
To disappear
I’m distracted
My mind’s not near
My mind’s tuned in
Tuned out
I’m not walking forward
Spaced out
I’m a broken clock
A broken record
And I’m upside-down
Insatiable
She has snake locs and a snake tattoo
I never knew what to do
Cause how does one trust a shape shifter
When it takes full moons to begin to see
Just too much
Just in time, and time is precious
.
She was everything
Off spectrum
Off kilter
Fit
I got lost in her labyrinth face
I slipped on her bones
I yelled at her
.
One time I hung in her pupils
Then the light hit her
I fell in
She had me follow a safe trail to her heart
It was the biggest muscle in her entire body
I was impulsive to take pictures
.
She turned into a siren
And wooed me to rest then
It was the best sleep of my existence
.
She gave me everything
I yelled at her some more
We bit each other’s thumbs and back
I heard and listened, devoured all she passioned about
Her snakes adored me, they gave me a name
And leaned in when they smelled me
.
She smelled like woods
Woods, the incense
She let me read her books of her poems
I read the ones about me first of course
They were my least favorite
So she loves me most and longer, and longer, and longest
I never expressed how I needed her to
She wouldn’t allow it
.
She’d just paint her nails
And tell me I was the seed that planted her
I just couldn’t believe it
As an insignificant star
But she let me play with her in the sky
She let me nuzzle between her inner thighs
Then confessed how she fell
.
After every dance
After every voyage
During all the silence
.
She never wanted me to draw her
She wanted me to forget
She wanted to hang out again
She wanted to take it all back
She wanted to give it all
She wished she’d never met me
She was grateful asf
.
She wanted more, expected nothing
She was insatiable
Mad; total madness
A step ahead and two steps back
I used to help her off her rocker
Gave her dimples and a heart shaped birthmark
All of her pleasurable things
.
And she never hit me back
How fucked is that
I never heard from her again
Sent me back on Earth’s shoulders; simple
Nature & nurture
Tiny glass
My lover was passive
He was made of glass and
We didn’t appear full enough
Tried making eye contact in summer trees
Seeing we weren’t meant to become lucid bees
Just tiny things playing make believe
March 12, 2017
Remembering
Sometimes I catch a scent; smell something, and I remember having roommates for the first time. My own room. I used to paint my naked vessel and rejoice in what I thought was adulthood. Silly naive me.
Sometimes I hear a song. It takes me back. I feel my belly drop to my toes as my tear ducts instinctively fills up, releasing the sight of my being… In the psychiatric unit having a time. I’ve never felt so safe, so understood. I will never forget my time in X.
All the beautiful lost souls I met and loved. I pray they too found themselves again. My baby, I was so young. I used to feel so sad. I am free from all of that. Hurt, pain. I am sending love to my inner child always.
I don’t like to yell
I don’t like to yell
But I love to break the silence
To penetrate
It’s the first breath
The tip of birth
And you can’t find that kind of moment in movement and stimulation
Go silent for a moment
Svāhā!
Climax
Hands full of prana
Roar through your pores in the safest place
Feel the goodness and the horror
Accept it and become more than vessel
I don’t need to yell through pressure when I’m molded because of it
I like to whisper and pray in my head by my lonesome next to a river under a bridge or something
I don’t want anyone to hear me either, not now it’s too late now
And jokester is my middle name
I got it from my father and they got yelling from our mother
But I
I don’t like to yell
