Freegrandmaa

I’ve never thought I’d have to unwillingly stop loving someone..I predicted that it would be you to pierce my heart in such a way that I’d experienced death following rebirth.

A taste of my own medicine although I should be thankful as it was not as bitter.

And it didn’t leave me empty or hungry

But uncomfortably full

no longer desiring romance or that kissy faced mushy love, falsely unconditional

The thought of sex and intimacy is distasteful as I feel more whole; more me, without

Ive matured past false true intentions

my skin for once feels like mine to touch, to adorn.

My creator was the first to break my heart and my soul

but you, you; the second

inspires a new fulfillment

I have hangovers from my sobreity

This is not again what is was

I see the engulfing hues of my yesterdays

And I bid farewell to me

Wanting only one, maybe even two

I pray filling and powerful

Seeing sight have you ever

This is here and forever

For only now falling down

Supposing to lay here and sew my wide

Oh cheers, yes cheers to sobreity

It’s all getting cleared

I don’t mind being homeless because I have a van. I don’t mind going to work cause I’m surrounded by kindhearted souls. I love taking classes and doing homework. I love getting high and walking my dog. I am grounded when I speak to my ancestors in the trees; when I say hello to the worlds. I’m easily pleased and can do much with little. Life can be so simple, don’t take it too seriously.

Ill just close my eyelids tonight.

Remember my world, return to my space

Remind myself I’ve stopped giving matter a while ago

And to step backwards even in the slightest

Means a certain death from the gods

It’s no longer my life

And my reflection no longer resembles you

Holding my tongue through these lessons and blessins

Now higher, wiser

Effortlessly creating new life

What are you

cause I can’t keep up.

A God with wings?

A newborn?

One year you’ve walked

Circling my being sprinkling soulful lust and miracles

Blowing clouds and fighting canines

Out of want it glows so natural

And you change dress as the seasons do

Wearing rain boots

taking my hand

we’d dance

Spinning in circles forgetting this space

Creating our own dimensions and walking the galaxies

I remember the day I broke into your house… what a mess I was, climbing through your kitchen window at 3am drunk and flustered. Demanding words and armored answers. You justified and..I thought you had to mean it. I thought you felt my feelings as you soothed. I thought…

“…the sea’s only gifts are harsh blows and, occasionally, the chance to feel strong. Now, I don’t know much about the sea, but I do know that that’s the way it is here. And I also know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong but to feel strong, to measure yourself at least once, to find yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions, facing blind, deaf stone alone, with nothing to help you but your own hands and your own head…” – Primo Levi

May 26, 2018

I’ve crossed the line. A line I should’ve never thought. The only thing above falling in love. This is the first time I’ve experienced true regret, and perhaps in the far future again, as I re-read this entry. I’m fine with that. What I can’t find comfort in is the mental, and it would be naive to attempt to seek refugee within myself. For my vessel has abandoned me, betrayed me right before my very eyes. This is surprisingly disheartened, and I prefer as the past, to sleep eternally. Can I sell my limbs, my organs, gray matter? To accept I’m truly starting over in solitude is terrifying slightly. invigorating as well. Shedding skin with each step. From this moment on, it’s only we.

I love you baby

Like warm flava bread and cold ice cream.

You given me balance already

And I think my heart is steady, and my mind is tight

My power

Yours.

I feel it already

From the moment you landed to the moment youll arrive

Take your time, sweet baby

I’ll be ready in due time.

hello

can you hear me

how’s your stay

yet so close

my very being

being

here i sit all alone

smelling liquors cutting my soules on broken phones

hold me tightly the one that remains

for why i’ll lie only tonight

ahhh now I think its alright to give in to give in

yeah

cause nearly everything I touch cringes

and sorrow never fell from my heart

to say

I don’t like my hands

and I don’t want anyones hands in replacement

I mean sometimes I do

but only to bit them, pick their fingernails, dip them in mud

recently I’ve been weaker parts of my mind has melted, others boiled away

no I don’t think its alright

and I no longer makes sense

if I’m here dead and to a crisp

then so it shall be just don’t admit me