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October 15, 2018

Golden red, oranges, and yellows. Pick me up and bring me home. Touch older hearts too sore to feel it. But will believe in, the time of seasons. I knew I’ll never see this self again. When they said that real love was yet to be felt. That upon touch, all else would melt to one. Nothing else should matter. Nothing else even matters.

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August 12, 2019

Today I decided to take time to myself; although I walked only down the street, it felt nice to leave X with X and I’m happy I toke this time.

I feel like X reflects my insecurities and he’s taking me outgrowing him personally. It seems his anger stems from who I was before the baby, who he wants me to be. I’m positive I’m just out growing him. We aren’t on the same frequency anymore. Pregnancy and birth has straightened me out. X’s birth gave me life. I am aware that I have an energy I give off but it’s because shit has changed. I’ve changed….

Regardless I know I judge him for not growing up, I just would really love for him to be walking our paths together. I told him that years ago when we were just friends. I told him I’d leave him behind if he refused to grow. He could’ve been….

I’ve decided to transmute the energy I’m trying to force between us; hurt energy as well, into something that’ll benefit me. I’ve decided I’m worth it. The life I crave to live I deserve it.

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August 12, 2015

I need a soul to look at. No stimulation stems from rocks. I enjoy my shadows. We dance together in dead streets. We like to hold hands and create tornadoes. In the hands of relation and this chaotic lifeless shapeless home.

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Iridescent flesh

Oh iridescent flesh

what reveal you of me

oh moon eyes you never cast a blink

so nodding

accepting

the picture so loving

the picture of bristle fingertips

how high will you go to count

those of others those of mother’s

Oh patches of wild

you may never be read but all passes

all too soon starts anew

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September 21, 2020

So I’ve exploded, perhaps on something light as a feather. All the weight came down. X doesn’t think of the small things. He wants to be what I need but he just isn’t. He has alot to learn, or maybe he’s just used to treating me this way. Used to me allowing it. I know he has work to do because at one point he said he didn’t even know if we were together still. I wanna ask him why or how could he live and sleep not knowing if we were together. He says I’m intimidating. I don’t understand him, he doesn’t understand me. We both know our darkest parts though, so we think we know…

I was waiting for you and you just…

There’s alot of questionable things about him and only he can tap into his subconscious and sort it all out. And I don’t…. I do love him, we both deserve better though.