This holy life
The snowdrops has risen
Birth and creator
It’s aliveness in the winter
In the snowfall
Warmer hearts
Karma
(I) receive one blessing
(I) give to one-thousand
(I) give to one
(I) recieve one-thousand blessings
A moment
“Do I know you?” I wondered with mirth
For in his gaze, a glimpse of kinship bright
I saw reflections of my own souls worth
With his eyes
His handsome visage, a captivating allure so sincere
Locked in his gaze forever was my plea
For he, with his eyes, held a world, captivating, and free
January 2, 2020
I prayed hard on my way to work.
Feeling at home while talking to source.
Connecting to source.
One day at a time?
One choice.
One decision.
Today at work I will eat my food and drink my tea.
I’m going to dance and write.
Open me up. Recreate. Revamp.
I have some thinking to do with the woman I want to be. I am holding space for all I am in every moment. Maybe this year I’ll find my niche.
I don’t want to get sexually and romantically distracted. At the same time I don’t want to shame myself for wanting to be intimate…I want to break free from the belief that I am only desired physically. I want to also hold that men are attracted to the physical first. It’s survival. I’m mad sexually appealing, healthy, and warm to look at and so it makes sense if that’s what pulls one in. I have programming that has made me unsafe with the idea of men being attracted to my physical and being lusted after. Which is honestly unfair, unreasonable, and ridiculous. I can sense lust and genuine interest in a second.
Again
Born beside sacred lands
I toke a bite of eternal life
It tasted of pomegranates and honeysuckle
I paired it with light from the father sky
Dipped it in Earth’s volcanic crust
Allowed it to dry in the wind
Praying to dear Oya again and again
Sacrifices
Endless
Embracing the illusion of racing
Catch me pacing
Evaporating within myself
Only help I need comes from fallen leaves and remembered stolen ancestors
Who’ve found themselves floating in the endless air
I have no fear
Never scared
Stay
His gaze entranced my very soul
Forever, I yearned him to stay
June 27, 2021
I placed a glass of water on my alter and prayed. This weekend without a phone. Silence. Mindfulness. Sadness. I finished the book X borrowed me “Celestine Prophecy”. It left me open and searching.
Right now I am numb, asexual, emotionally unavailable, confident, sure of myself and my experience. Validating this period. I feel as long as I can see my growth no matter how seemingly inconsequential. I have to temporarily cut off X and X for my sanity. It honestly just hurts to be disrespected from them both to the degree that they do. In retrospect life is great.
Freegrandmaa 