January 27, 2019 12:28AM
Hmm. I’d hope to always be able to remember that time, remember that night we all meet. The night I became a women and stood virgin to the world. New mama. Blessed mama. Star seed. Our story
The day before our birthday we had to go to the hospital because baby wasn’t kicking as often as usual. While there, we were informed that the placenta was getting old; as baby at the time was 10 days late. They asked us if I wanted to be induced that night, and although my childs father was anxious to, I declined.. I wanted to go home and prepare, I wanted a bit more time to myself and to mentally get my stuff together, I wanted to stall giving my freedom away.. My childs father and I arrived the next day at the hospital around 11am on January 27th ,2019. At 40 weeks and 12 days past the guess date. I was induced with pitocin, and after a couple of hours the pressure waves began and became more and more intense. I think its safe to say I kissed the hand of death as I climaxed to 10 centimeters. It all happened so fast at about 11 hours of labor. Stank face on 10, vaping THC in the hospital room like the boss mama I am..I wouldn’t have been able to get through it without X. He made me feel safe. I was surprised by his support and attentiveness..He held my hand tightly as I walked through the otherworld’s to retrieve our Sun. The midwives showered us with accolades the whole time, calling me the “Birth Goddess” because I was stoic, graceful and confident. They called us the birthing dreamteam and was amazed by my passion and our teamwork.
And so Pitocin kick starts labor. It creates what I call “fake pressure waves”, and those waves are more intense and frequent than natural waves. Many Mama’s; specifically my Moor mamas, who take Pitocin often end up getting an epidural or C-section because of the intensities (at one point I was reaching to X begging for approval to get the epidural, but he refused because all throughout my pregnancy I stressed how no matter what I didn’t want the epidural.) I’ll forever remember the intense sensations. In the moment I was convinced I would pass out from the intensities and I’m sure I blacked out several times as there are a few gaps in my memory of that day. I thought I wouldn’t be able to deliver, the pressure was indescribable. Then it hit me all at once as I was bent over the bed, I couldn’t help but push. I screamed “I can’t stop myself from pushing.” Midwives rushed in, demanding I get on the bed and on my hands and knees. It was time. They told me to push, with the green light I felt relief and began pushing. After about 2 pushes, I was no longer in the room. It was silent. I could tune in to the words my midwife, and at one point I looked around to see that about 6 more people had entered the room without me noticing. ( They we’re preparing for an emergency c-section) I paid them no mind, I knew I was going to deliver my baby. I wanted to meet my baby that was all that mattered. They turned me onto my back, and I remember saying I didn’t want to be on my back, little did I know that position would bring me instant relief. They told me to pull my legs to my chest, and I did just that. I was an animal, a wild canine vulnerable, at one point a midwifes hand came too close to my face and out of reflex I lunged forward and bit her hand..I’ll never forget her face, she had said she was surprised because; although Mama’s in the past had tried, no one had ever been successful in actually biting her. I was embarrassed for a moment and quickly decided it was her fault for coming too close to an wild animal birthing…In under 5 minutes of pushing, I had the most powerful orgasm, and the loudest cry of relief, I portaled my sun at 12:28am. I couldn’t believe it was that “simple” …Amazed that we had manifested this quick and “easy” birth. I had the midwives in shock… For a first-time birth. But there he was, laying on my chest. 6lbs 2oz. 21 inches.
In bliss I held him on my chest as they stitched me up, I paid no mind, showering him in kiss. He’s here, he’s here. Its crazy how instantly I fell in love. There was no question that you would hold my heart then. That you were my everything. So tiny, you fit perfectly in the middle of my torso, so snug, perfect for against me. I wish I could cuddle you forever. Choosing to be mindful in every moment with you. Drinking your sweet smell in. Listening to you breathe. I melt. After being transferred to the room, I had the best sleep. Comforted by my baby’s presence. I woke the following rising and it was proven all real. Inhale…exhale…I felt so welcomed by Motherhood…His birth gave me life.
Freegrandmaa 