“Hmm. Ode to him. In another world I believe you were the love of my life, as I was the apple of your eye. Here, we stay dancing with the spirits of our multiverse. The ghosts of the past replaying within us. As love calls our names. Tethered. But not in the same, for here we sit touching our crisp layers, and saying a prayer to be seen. With nothing to say.
It’s not me.”
-It’s not you either.
“Ive never believed in love at first sight. I laughed in the face of the idea that someone could love someone like me.. at first glance? In one moment? Not a chance. My inner child until recently believed she wasn’t worthy. So much embedded within the coatings of my skin. But when he smiled, and I saw him alive, we would be, I humored the idea and seconded guessed it ever so slightly. And he would say those lil old things and my troubled self played the game. I often wonder was it real. Portal jumping? Never mind.”
-Harmony. Remember?
“Innocent. I remember
Together we became fire. Grounded together by the coals of our worlds. There together. Apart together.
I often played make believe and soft movies. Combined with his promises, his love tender lovin had me running. I played with the idea of him every time we meet, never as aligned. I’d like to believe the love was real, when life was being nice to us, when shit was sweet. When we were open and holding. I have videos of us in our cave. Another kind of us. Who knew co-creating a vessel and portaling a spirit would be so life altering.
Baby I felt his love before, that consistent type. When we cuddled like we’re meant to be. When we laughed and he felt like home. and I’d feel it every day.
But he didn’t hold up his end. He’s not ready to grow with the earth that has touched him. He’s not ready to twist and bend himself between the seams of his mind. To ripe at his own flesh with new hands, as he has mine. And what did I tell him? Oh to be afraid of death… Remember?”
This ode is more for me more so than him, or you, or you. Sitting tongue twisted and full of tears sipping tea with Heartache these days. my old friends! And time will heal and its Zen, just another storm now. it’s just when I’m alone and when he is near I think of him in bits and pieces. Done micro analyzing and compromising. Fuck it.
I wanted to know who you are.
But we’ve showed each other who we are.
Peace & Releasing myself from this cycle
Freegrandmaa 